1 TON TRAVELLER BLOCKS TRAFFIC IN CAPE TOWN — ELEPHANT SEAL GOES OFF-ROAD

You ever have one of those mornings where you're just trying to get to school or work and suddenly — BAM — there's a 1 ton elephant seal chilling in the middle of the road?

Well, that’s exactly what went down on Tuesday morning in Gordons Bay, where Cape Town locals were treated to a once-in-a-lifetime roadside attraction: a massive elephant seal had somehow ended up waddling its way through traffic like it was on a slow-moving Uber Eats mission.

According to Cape {town} Etc (full credit to them and the legends over at www.capetownetc.com), this hefty marine guest caused quite a stir. It’s not every day you see a creature that belongs in Antarctic documentaries deciding to go full landlubber and take a shortcut through a residential neighbourhood.

SEAL THE DEAL — OPERATION “GET THIS BIG GUY HOME”

Cue the sirens, flashing lights, and an emergency seal-relocation squad. The City of Cape Town, SPCA, and Cape Nature all teamed up Avengers-style to get Mr. Blubbery safely off the tarmac and back where he belongs — somewhere salty and splashy.

Local ward councillor Sean Stacey was on the scene, no doubt stunned like the rest of them, and was quoted saying, “He’s a heavy boy.” And listen, when a politician starts throwing around phrases like that, you know it’s serious.

TRAFFIC JAM, SEAL EDITION

Meanwhile, Stacey also had to play part-time traffic director, working with authorities to reroute the chaos around Gordon’s Bay Primary School. Because, let’s be honest — getting to school is tough enough without detouring for marine mammals.

The traffic game plan was as follows:

• Reroute up Dennehof at the lights.

• Parents, please ignore the one-way signs (but only this once) and turn right on Clivia.

• Exit through Boundary Road like pros.

This was all done to avoid turning the morning school run into a National Geographic special.

LOCALS AMAZED, SEAL UNBOTHERED

While authorities and rescue teams sorted things out, stunned residents snapped pics and videos, no doubt wondering if someone had spiked their coffee. But rest assured — the seal was real, enormous, and just as confused as everyone else.

The SPCA released a statement on social media asking folks to give the poor creature some space and not try to start a seaside conversation. Their exact words: “Our SPCA Inspectors are actively working on a safe and stress-free plan to relocate this magnificent marine mammal.”

FROM ROADS TO REEFS (HOPEFULLY)

Thanks to everyone’s teamwork, the seal was safely lifted to a secure location, and the plan is to return him to the ocean — far away from school zones, robots, and residential driveways.

So, next time you’re late because of "traffic," just remember: it could be worse. You could be rerouting around a two-tonne elephant seal taking the scenic route through Cape Town.

Article credit: Cape {town} Etc — www.capetownetc.com

Images credit: Cape of Good Hope SPCA